I remember routinely rolling my eyes at people who said things like: “live authentically,” “grounded state,” “flow,” “true self”, etc. What does that even mean? Sounds made up to me! And even if it is real, how to you find this elusive way of living?

I figured one of two things. One: they are lying. Two: it is not something that I will ever be able to achieve. You don’t really think too much about these things as an adolescent. Maybe a little more as you approach official adulthood, but probably not until your early 20s. For me, I didn’t think much about it until I was closer to 30.

One day it dawned on me that my brain was total chaos. It took having two children for me to realize that my brain never, ever settled down. It took 13 more years (and 4 additional kids!!) for me to realize that I had ADHD so of course my brain was chaotic. But it was the time in between the realization that my brain was chaotic and the diagnosis where I really thought about living in a grounded state and I became frustrated that I couldn’t figure it out. I eventually arrived at the conclusion that I was the only person on earth who couldn’t figure it out. (Clearly, I live on the extremes! All or nothing!)

At this point, my husband informed me that the way I think about life is definitely not typical. I remember being somewhat shocked. I thought everyone operated from a state of high stress, anxiety, and a desire to be perfect! Turns out that is not the case. Turns out that is the opposite of living authentically.

So what is it? The way that I look at it in my life is living with the 8Cs in mind: Compassion, Curiosity, Clarity, Calm, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, & Connectedness. For those who are interested in the nerdy side of psychology, this is taken from Internal Family Systems, which is attributed to the work by Richard C. Swartz.

It is also referred to as “Self-Leadership.” Living from a place of consistent self leadership. Is it possible to do ALL of the time? Of course not. However, it is possible to get to a point where you are living from this position more often than not. For me, that means following a pretty set routine of what I call: “self-love” (self-care has become associated with frivolous activities like bubble baths and spa days, which are nice, but it goes beyond that.) Over the past year, I have discovered that the following activities help me: meditation, breath-work, journaling, yoga, vibro-acoustic therapy, salt-therapy, sound-therapy, somatic therapy, reading, and staying connected in my recovery group.

I will take time to break down the meaning of each C over the next few posts. And I will do my best to provide real-life examples for all of them so you can begin to understand what this might look like in your life. And then I will break down the reasons why so many have found this as elusive as I did.

In the meantime, don’t forget: YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!