A grounded, regulated inner state that can hold emotion without being consumed by it.
“When I’m in Self, the waves don’t drown me — I float through them.” The power that results from the ability to stay grounded and not be overtaken by waves of emotion is incredible. It is life changing.

It is indeed possible to live without being overcome by emotion! If you would have told me that 18 months ago, I would have called you a liar. Prior to that, I am not sure that I lived a day in my life without being overwhelmed by something. I feel everything and I feel everything deeply. Not only for myself, but I feel everything for the people around me. When I first met my husband, he told me that it seemed like there was a tiny “Jill” running around in my brain creating chaos and when things got rough, he’d tell little Jill to “simmer down!”

I distinctly remember a night when he asked me to just lay still and try not to worry about anything. Just be still. I couldn’t do it. I stared at the ceiling and noticed the imperfections, which then led me to think about crown molding and how much I love crown molding and what if I couldn’t afford it when we moved and on and on and on. I worried about not being worried. There was never a moment of calm in my head.

If you are like me, you know how exhausting it is to live in that frame of mind. I never questioned it because I had been like that for as long as I could remember. Even my earliest memories contain a chaotic, never quiet brain. With that being said, if you are an empath like me, know that it can be a true gift. However, you have to learn to care for yourself so that you are not overcome by your emotions.

A few years ago, I read a book about centering prayer. Essentially, it’s meditation. There was an analogy about a boat floating down the center of the river. The goal was to stay in the center of the river and not drift toward either bank. One bank represented anxious energy (fight/flight). The other bank represented lack of energy due to overwhelm (freeze). The goal being to float right in the middle. Maybe slightly moving toward the bank, but trying always to remain centered. It has taken me a long time to be able to experience even a small level of calm, but it gets easier and the effort is worth it!

Meditation has been the key for me. Learning how to let thoughts come and go while meditating, without dwelling on them or following them down a rabbit hole. Simply noticing and returning back to breathing. That is the key. And like anything, it takes time to train the brain. I am at my best when I meditate 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the late afternoon.

If that seems overwhelming to you, try it for two minutes. In the book: “Atomic Habits,” the author, James Clear, gives many ideas on how to slowly and easily incorporate good habits into your life. One suggestion is to commit to 2 minutes. We can do anything for 2 minutes! Many people will end up spending more than 2 minutes, but if you make it to the 2 minute mark, you met your goal. You can check it off your to do list and feel good about it! Gradually work your way up to 5 and then 10, etc. You will be amazed at the difference in your life.

Can you imagine primarily living in a grounded state of calm, where you peacefully float down the river without being pulled to either bank by emotions? How would life change if you were able to live like that?