This week, I have not felt like doing anything. I sit in my chair and think about what I need to do and sometimes I even open my computer to get started, but I haven’t been able to make myself do anything. Despite this being a somewhat regular feeling for me, I still very much dislike it. My brain spins and spins, trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Why can’t I just be consistently productive. Why are there days were staring off into space is all that I can manage?

I have started to intentionally book “connection” activities on my calendar. At the very least, I have to get up and shower and put on real clothes. And my brain knows, even if my heart doesn’t believe it, that I will feel better after I talk with a friend in real life. So as I was showering today for lunch out with a new friend, I found myself wondering why it bothers me to have days where I don’t want to do anything.

Clearly, I have days where I accomplish things. I don’t always sit around and stare off into space or lay in bed, unable to even watch tv due to a discombobulated brain. So why does it bother me so much when it happens? Why can’t I just listen to what my body is telling me and sit and do nothing? Why does that feel like being a complete failure? And when I really stop to think about it, how many things am I doing on a regular basis that don’t align with what feels right?

The voices responding to that question are very loud. We can’t always get what we want. Life is hard. Suck it up. We all have to do things we don’t feel like doing. How do the bills get paid? What work ethic are you showing? You have to be mentally and physically strong. And on and on.

I don’t like those voices. What if those voices are killing us? Slowly causing us stress that leads to chronic illness, major illness, unhappiness, depression, lack of fulfillment, lack of connection, etc.

So I guess the question becomes, how do we honor how we are feeling (mentally and physically) with our obligations of being responsible adults? How do we switch the narrative so that we take care of ourselves first so that we can show up as healthier and better functioning adults? If we created that type of society, would we end up being more productive and happier in the first place?