Confidence – A quiet knowing in who you are without performance or perfection.
“Confidence wasn’t loud — it was the moment I stopped needing approval.”

What really stands out to me about the description of confidence in terms of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and living in a state of self-leadership is the fact that the presence of confidence has nothing to do with the outcome.

Most of us have been taught that confidence is conditional. A person earns the right to feel confident when they are at the top of their field or consistently demonstrate successful outcomes. For many, this makes feeling confident a complete impossibility. For others, the fact that it is outcome based represents that they are always one step away from failure and thus, the loss of confidence. We experience stress and burnout from striving for that elusive position where we have earned the right to feel confident. And even if it has been earned, self-confidence is not always an attractive quality. Unfortunately, it often manifests itself as cockiness.

True confidence is quiet. True confidence has nothing to do with the outcome or whether a person is “the best” or “at the top.” Instead, true confidence is in the knowledge that you have the ability to tackle any situation that comes your way. Even the worst of the worst. Leading from self-leadership allows you to recognize that you have learned how to manage your nervous system so that you can tackle anything from a grounded position with a sense of calm and clarity. It is the knowledge that doing your best does not always (or even often) equal being the best. It is the quiet self-assurance that says: “I’ve got this!”

The key is to change you attitude toward yourself. Instead of doubt or assuming the worst or working to the point of burnout, quietly reassure yourself that your body is designed to keep you safe. Your body already knows the answers; you just have to be quiet and learn to listen. Remind yourself that you are worthy and loved and enough. You just have to be you. Nothing more and nothing less. Just yourself.