Feeling rooted to self, others, the world, and something greater than yourself. “Healing brought me back to belonging — not just to people, but to myself.”

The key to regulation and one that is often missing is connectedness to self. We live in a culture that places a high value on the mind. Our mind holds what we interpret to be our being. It is the crux of who we are and in placing such a high value on the mind, we have forgotten about our bodies. Mind and body have grown increasingly disconnected. We ignore physical pain, we fail to eat when we’re hungry, or eat when we’re not hungry. We push through exhaustion, even when our body is screaming for rest. We put substances into our body that are poison or we fail to exercise when we know that it is a necessary part of having a healthy body. I often feel like my head is a balloon floating above my body. Two completely separate entities.

This is problematic because mind and body are intimately linked. The longest nerve is our body is the vagus nerve. It extends from the base of the head down the spine and throughout the chest cavity, touching almost every internal organ. 80% of the messages sent from the vagus nerve move from the body to the brain. That means that our body is the first to know when something is wrong. It is only after the body sends a signal to the brain, that the brain figures out what is happening and names an emotion. Yet, we are all walking around detached, which means we are missing a lot of signals that our bodies are sending to us.

Neuroscience has shown that emotional pain/trauma live in the body. If we do not fully process our emotions, those emotions will settle into our bodies and they will eventually lead to disease. Common diseases such as: diabetes, arthritis, cancer, heart disease, irritable bowl syndrome, multiple sclerosis, just to name a few. Not only does it lead to disease, we remain dysregulated because we are trying to do all of the processing in our minds. The mind alone cannot regulate the nervous system, which is why many have grown frustrated with traditional talk therapy. It forgets to include the body! The key to healing is through learning to live an embodied life.

Connection with others is also critical. Technology has given us the ability to connect to anyone around the world at any time, yet we are more disconnected than ever. Humans are social creatures and we need each other to stay regulated. In the recovery community, it is said that connection is the opposite of addiction. (Addiction is anything that is used to distract) Showing up in community with others is life-giving. You learn that you are not alone. What you are experiencing is not unique and there is comfort in that knowledge. It is nice to know that there are others who understand you. Moreover, being able to give back and support others in life fulfills that need for connection beyond yourself.

Connection has always been difficult for me because I am a homebody by nature. It is often difficult for me to summon the energy that is required to connect with others. Yet, it always breathes new energy into me. I am always grateful when I take the step to reach out to other people; especially face to face! In January, I started a journal where I track various habits so that I have a visual of how my habits impact my mental health. There is a very clear connection between my mental health and whether or not I spend time with others–including at least one face to face each week.

The next time you are struggling, try calling a friend to talk or go for a walk. Schedule a coffee date or dinner with friends. And then commit to attending. See what happens to your energy and make note of it as a reminder for the next time you might be struggling. Healing is always better together! Life is always better together!